Starting a new season in life

By Natalie Tucker, PharmD

Can y’all believe this is my last installment of “On Rotation Diary”? We have spent a whole year together and I feel like we should be besties at this point! So no longer will I hide my identity from you. Though I have gone by “Alison” these past 12 months, my real name is Natalie Tucker. I am a recent PharmD graduate from the Washington State University College of Pharmacy. 

I honestly cannot believe that I am finally able to call myself a pharmacist. I was so nervous as I waited for the speaker to announce my name at graduation, but as soon as my name amplified throughout that gorgeous venue, I felt immediate peace. I vividly remember not being able to stop smiling as I was hooded and received my diploma. Nine years of long nights, hundreds of slide decks, thousands of minutes of music playing on Spotify, and it has all come to an end. It is so strange to reflect on this huge goal of getting into and graduating from pharmacy school, and I achieved it. This goal has consumed roughly a decade of my life, and I reached it.

Since graduation, I have been attempting to study for the NAPLEX and MPJE. “Attempting” being the main word in that sentence. I am planning on gaining licensure in two states, Washington and Oregon, and possibly even more in the years to come, as I was born and raised in the great state of Georgia. Although I am in no rush, I am looking forward to moving back to the east coast. Potentially for a PGY2?

A little apprehensive

I chose to attend pharmacy school in Washington State because I wanted an adventure. Though I am not going too far, this next adventure called “residency” has me feeling all kinds of emotions. I will be starting my career as a PGY1 resident with Legacy Health in Portland, OR. Currently, I am terrified. I hear that it is actually healthy to feel this way, which calms a few of my nerves. As I have mentioned before, the transition from didactic course work to APPE rotations threw me for a loop. I can’t help but be a little apprehensive to start this completely new phase of life.

Don’t get me wrong, there aren’t enough words to explain how happy I am that I have finally reached this point in my life, but I can’t help but wish I had not rushed pharmacy school. They aren’t kidding when they say you will miss school. And I have only been “done” for roughly 2 months.

Always something new to learn

I am continuing to work while I “study,” because I am extremely poor after paying for all of these exams. I have been working in my normal transitions of care position in the ED, but have also been doing some formulary review work for our clinical coordinator. This incredible, intelligent woman was one of my first APPE preceptors, so she saw me develop from the beginning. She is now in a new beginning in this position as clinical coordinator and still learning the ropes. She was attempting to show me where to find something on the Intranet but couldn’t remember how to access the file. She looked at me, slightly embarrassed, and mentioned that she didn’t want to bother our manager about where to find the document. What she said to me after that will stick with me forever: “See, it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if you graduated from residency ten years ago. There is always something you won’t know and the nervousness of having to ask will always exist.” For some reason, those words allowed me to breathe. It was like the weight of the world that I had personally placed on my shoulders had finally gone away.

I mean absolutely no disrespect to my clinical coordinator by telling this story. She is someone I look up to: a strong, independent, kind, and knowledgeable person and pharmacist. I have been waiting for the day that I would be able to say that I’m a pharmacist, and now that it’s here, I don’t necessarily feel like a pharmacist. Even through school, I was waiting for the moment that I would just know everything. I understand how silly that seems, because I know it is impossible, but that didn’t make it any less real for me. Every pharmacist I have worked with is intelligent and knows exactly what they are doing, or so it seems. However, in that meeting, to see that even she, a seasoned pharmacist, was frustrated and embarrassed because she knew she didn’t know something that she felt like she should know was actually inspiring.

We are all going to have these “new” seasons in life, and there are going to be plenty of moments where we don’t want to wave the white flag, so to speak, and ask for help. This is freeing if you think about it, because it means that the pressure of knowing everything and being infallible can just drift away. So, be okay with the new seasons that life brings. I am even going to take my own advice on this one.

We did it

Best of luck to those beginning their own APPE journey, and a huge congratulations to those of you who graduated! As Elle Woods would say (yes, I’m referencing “Legally Blonde”), “We did it!” From the bottom of my heart, thank you for letting me share my life and rotations with you this past year. 

Until next time, y’all!