By Shannon Stittsworth

“I don’t think you’re going to finish the PhD program.”  

I still remember the ironically-timed thunder that sounded right after these words came out of Susan Lever’s, PhD, mouth (my University of Missouri graduate school research advisor). I nervously shifted in my chair across her desk, thinking about ways to explain. Explain the reason I wasn’t getting my chemical reactions done, the reason that I was coming in late to lab almost every day, and the reason it seemed like I had lost my passion for research. 
But, honestly, after months of trying to convince myself that I was on the right path, I decided to finally admit that I wasn’t. It took a leap of faith to get me where I am today.

 The “fool-proof” plan

Let me go back a few years before that moment. I started college as a pre-pharmacy student. My plan was to finish up my prerequisite courses at the local community college and then go straight into pharmacy school down the street at the University of Florida, Jacksonville. This plan was fool-proof, that was, until I attended a conference where a very successful researcher looked me in the eyes and said, “Why pass out the drugs when you could make them?” This simple idea intrigued me and before I knew it, I was off to Brookhaven National Lab to complete a summer research internship in radioactive chemistry and nuclear medicine. I loved it.

When I arrived back in Florida, I decided that instead of going to pharmacy school, I was going to transfer to the University of Florida and finish my bachelor’s degree. When I got to campus, I was surrounded by classmates that all wanted to go to graduate school and get their PhD in chemistry. Their energy and excitement inspired me to look into a similar path. I completed another summer internship, this time in biochemistry at the Mayo Clinic, and decided to officially pursue my PhD. My dad, a professor and neuroscientist, was also ecstatic. Finally, after five children, one was following in his footsteps in research. It felt good to make him proud.  

Through my connections at Brookhaven National Lab, I landed a spot in the radiopharmaceutical chemistry PhD program at the University of Missouri. I was going to be a successful and happy researcher. But in reality, research ended up putting me into a deep depression. I would walk into the lab each day and fail at completing the reaction I spent hours working up the day before. I would spend hours in the lab by myself, sometimes not talking to a single person the entire day. I kept going because I was terrified at disappointing the people that believed in me. Not once did I ask myself: “What do you actually want to do with your life?”

Embracing my calling

Which takes me back to that day in Dr. Lever’s office, 2.5 years after starting the PhD program. Right after telling me I wasn’t going to finish the program, she said, “But I want to help you find your path.” Dr. Lever is the reason I am here today. She believed in me and supported me without telling me what I was supposed to do. Instead, she was the first person to ask me what I wanted to do. I realized that I wanted to work directly with people and not in a lab by myself. I wanted to do good for others by doing work that directly improved people’s lives. I immediately thought back to pharmacy, and the rest is history.

Taking the leap of faith to drop out of the PhD program and pursue pharmacy in my late 20’s was one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make, and I honestly didn’t know how things would turn out. But what I did know was that for the first time, I was doing something because I decided to do it, not because someone else told me to do it. Since being in pharmacy school, I have continued to ask myself, “What do I want to do?” Because of this mindset, I have found that my calling is doing good for others through leadership.  

What do you want to do? I hope that my story has inspired you to self-reflect and answer that question. It is never too late to Embrace Your Calling!