How to maintain friendships against the changing tides

“The only constant is change.” One of the most painful realizations I had as a new practitioner is that each moment is completely ephemeral. As a student pharmacist, you do not realize how good you have it with your peers—you may be moving through changes, but you’re moving through changes together. Each step of growth is accompanied by others who are going through the same changes. The moment you become a new practitioner, whether you match for residency or fellowship, start a job, and/or move to a new location, you’re now surrounded by completely new faces and names. Each year tends to look a lot different than the last as you grow into your career. 

While I live by the philosophy that a stranger is a friend you haven’t met yet, how do we hold onto the friendships we already have?

Create the habit of contact

James Clear writes in his book Atomic Habits, “We don’t rise to the level of our goals. We fall to the level of our systems.” While this referred to habits to boost productivity, I find this highly applicable to friendship habits. The noise of daily life can distract us from the act of a phone call or your friend’s new partner’s name. Creating a system ensures that you reach out and remember the little details. 

Commonly, people place reminders in their calendar to call their friends. I’ve also found that placing a calendar event for important events to reach out on helps strengthen connections. For example, one of my friends had a surgery, and I placed the surgery date on my calendar to check on her post-op. It sounds cold and clinical to put a reminder, but I promise, in the sea of responsibilities you already are drowning in, you will likely not remember each and every friend’s important life events otherwise.

Social media check-in

Keeping up with friends on social media is a fantastic way to stay current on events, especially if you already maintain contact well. When you catch up with a friend, ask them how their recent vacation was or how their new hobby is going. It’s extremely meaningful when my friends notice what I’m up to and show genuine interest in my life, so these little moments go a long way. 

Also, in the advent of memes, it’s extremely easy to share a funny post you think your friend would like.

Celebrate all wins (and reach out during losses)

While social media is helpful, it doesn’t completely maintain the friendship on its own. If you haven’t talked to them in a while, a social media post can prompt you to reach out personally via text. When you see your friend post about a win on Instagram or LinkedIn, such as an engagement or new job, take the time to personally text them a congratulations. On the flip side, if you see someone post about a loss or period of grief, reach out with condolences. Those moments intentionally bridge a gap while showing that the connection is not surface level.

While experiencing change is challenging, setting up these systems pays dividends. You don’t have to wait for a conference to refresh a friendship, and it’s never too late to reach out to a past connection. Maybe change isn’t the only constant. Maybe your friendship can be constant, too.

Emi Radetich, PharmD, BCPS, is a pharmacy informaticist, Epic Willow and Beacon Analyst, and health tech startup founder. She is currently a consultant who provides Epic Analyst services to health systems in need. Outside of work, you can find her spending time with loved ones (notably her niece), working out, writing her next Substack article, and exploring all that her home of New York City offers.