Amanda Cavness and parents at her Chemo Graduation.
In March 2016, as I was preparing to graduate from The University of Tennessee (UT) College of Pharmacy, I thought that the biggest challenges in my life were behind me. I had survived a tough curriculum at UT and rigorous rotations, and I was excited to finally step into my new role as a clinician and discover what the future held. While I had cast myself as a pharmacist, it turned out life had prepared a different script, and I would simultaneously be playing the patient. I had Stage II breast cancer.
After I received my diagnosis, people initially asked what I was going to do about school. I quickly—and firmly—informed them that I would finish my rotations, graduate, and go to work just like everyone else! I had come too far to quit now. Besides, receiving chemotherapy medications was the best oncology board review I could get, right? So, Friday after Friday, for nearly 3 months, my RxPrep book and I went to the clinic for chemo.
Anxious patient then
When my hair started falling out, I told my parents and my preceptors that I was afraid patients wouldn’t see me as a part of the team that was there to take care of them. “I’m pale and bald with a scarf on my head. They’re going to look at me like I’m sick, too!” In my head, the patient group and the clinician group were mutually exclusive. I couldn’t be a part of both. What if patients thought I couldn’t be a good health provider if I was also a patient?
I will be the first to admit that health professionals probably make the worst patients. There is a fine line between being a well-informed patient and being an over-informed/new practitioner/bundle-of-anxiety patient, and I started my journey on the anxiety side of the line. I would lie awake at night worrying my blood counts wouldn’t recover quickly enough for my next treatment or scared that I had a fever. I annoyed nurses about the exact doses of my drugs and asked for print-outs of my lab values. My oncologist caught me on the computer in the exam room reviewing my own chart at one appointment, and on another visit, I was busted listening outside the door while he discussed my case with some residents. Luckily, I am treated at an academic facility and my physician has a sense of humor!
My anxiety decreased as my treatment progressed, but my experiences early on brought a new found perspective. If something as small as a piece of paper showing I am not neutropenic can grant me worry-free sleep, how many simple, yet effective, things could I do for my patients every day? Instead of pharmacists viewing themselves as part of a separate and elite practitioner group, what if we all saw ourselves as patients who are now providers? I believe it would change the way we practice.
Better pharmacist now
Now a resident at a children’s hospital, being a patient and provider simultaneously has become one of my greatest strengths. The most meaningful patient interaction I have had thus far in residency might never have happened if I hadn’t recently been a patient myself. I was observing the intrathecal administration of a newly FDA-approved drug. Parents weren’t able to be in the room for the procedure, and my patient was scared. I leaned down and whispered that I had a special port, too, and working in a hospital didn’t mean that I didn’t get scared. He calmed down, held my hand, and we sang along with the radio during the entire procedure. I have never been happier that I allowed myself to be seen as another patient as I was in that moment.
My life has changed immensely since that spring day nearly 2 years ago and I will be forever grateful. Not for the struggles, stress, and exhaustion, but for the change in perspective. When I care for patients now, I always seem to see some part of myself, another active life battling an unexpected blip on their radar. Instead of only being part of their medical team, I am also part of their cheering section.
My experience as an oncology patient gave me insight into patients’ daily battles, and it has been incredibly rewarding to provide a higher level of care because of this understanding. If I am certain of anything, it is that being a patient has made me a better pharmacist.